Hello! I am very new to this platform and I’m not even entirely sure how I stumbled upon your magnificent writings.. but I am just.. blown away right now
I have been in a very dark place for about four years now. I have cptsd, and my worst, most debilitating symptom is my chronic derealization, which completely disabled me from working or even leaving the house for about two years. I went to daily online intensive therapy. I tried DBT.. but nothing helped.
Then… at my darkest of days, I had the worst nightmare of my life. It was horrifying and so realistic.. I cried for two days, I couldn’t get the images out of my mind, and they were all directly related symbolically to my derealization and my trauma.. all of the things in my life that haunt me the most came forth in this dream… there was an entire storyline. It was almost like watching a horror movie, but also being in it and watching myself, watch it and then realizing that I was actually the character in it and it wasn’t a movie it was my life…and it just really messed me up.
But I know that the subconscious mind speaks to us through metaphor and mine has always utilized dreams as a main source of communication.
I have had many, many nightmares since this whole hell scape began.
But this one was very different. It was so powerful and had such an effect on me. It terrified me to my core.
For context, I have always struggled with my mental health and was abused as a kid so I never pursued the things that I really loved like art and writing.. I just found myself writing and doodling often over the years, not thinking much of it..
So shortly after this dream, maybe a week? I don’t remember if I had searched for free art classes or if it just appeared on my timeline.. but obviously I don’t have any money because I haven’t been able to work so I can’t pay for art classes, and all of a sudden all of these free art taster sessions started popping up online which was perfect for me because I can’t always leave the house.
Long story short I started taking these classes and I started to feel hope and I started to feel more positive and ever since then I have been getting the most amazing synchronicity and signs from spirit, and I believe that I am finally on the right path and that this has been an incubation period for me.
Before all of this happened, I had already been through a lot of trauma in my life and had healed from it and integrated it, and I ultimately became a healer… and then the greatest trauma of my life occurred, and I am still experiencing the symptoms and the triggers and the chronic derealization… and for a long time I was very depressed about this because I always had such a love of life and a thirst for living and a deep appreciation for the moment only to find myself bedridden and unable to leave my home.
But since I’ve been taking these art classes and tapping deeper into my creative well, I have been getting profound signs and I had a conversation today about how I am going to move forward with my healing process and my growth.. because I am sort of stuck in this liminal space of happily making art which is a huge step for me, but also still not able to live a functional life in society.
And then, somehow, I stumbled upon this tonight. Another insane synchronicity another sign that I am on the right path. I am exactly where I need to be and where I am supposed to be this all happened exactly as it was meant to I now believe.
All of my worst fears in life came true over the past five years so once I get out of this … I think my ability to help other people will be amplified and my and intuition will be strengthened.
I’m starting to think that maybe the reason this all happened was because I wasn’t living my soul’s purpose and it is calling me Home 🙏❤️
I will be thinking more deeply on this subject because I am sure there is a lot more to it than I am even aware of right now.
Thank you for creating this container. I have been very isolated for the past few years and I didn’t realize how lonely I was… I lost all motivation to do much of anything… and I realized just a few days ago how powerful it is to have someone hold you accountable and to have a community and something to look forward to….and my art classes just ended yesterday….so this is literally perfect timing. 🙏❤️
Share one area in your life where you’re feeling the call to begin anew! Let’s give each other the gift of being witnessed and celebrated. 💛
Hello! I am very new to this platform and I’m not even entirely sure how I stumbled upon your magnificent writings.. but I am just.. blown away right now
I have been in a very dark place for about four years now. I have cptsd, and my worst, most debilitating symptom is my chronic derealization, which completely disabled me from working or even leaving the house for about two years. I went to daily online intensive therapy. I tried DBT.. but nothing helped.
Then… at my darkest of days, I had the worst nightmare of my life. It was horrifying and so realistic.. I cried for two days, I couldn’t get the images out of my mind, and they were all directly related symbolically to my derealization and my trauma.. all of the things in my life that haunt me the most came forth in this dream… there was an entire storyline. It was almost like watching a horror movie, but also being in it and watching myself, watch it and then realizing that I was actually the character in it and it wasn’t a movie it was my life…and it just really messed me up.
But I know that the subconscious mind speaks to us through metaphor and mine has always utilized dreams as a main source of communication.
I have had many, many nightmares since this whole hell scape began.
But this one was very different. It was so powerful and had such an effect on me. It terrified me to my core.
For context, I have always struggled with my mental health and was abused as a kid so I never pursued the things that I really loved like art and writing.. I just found myself writing and doodling often over the years, not thinking much of it..
So shortly after this dream, maybe a week? I don’t remember if I had searched for free art classes or if it just appeared on my timeline.. but obviously I don’t have any money because I haven’t been able to work so I can’t pay for art classes, and all of a sudden all of these free art taster sessions started popping up online which was perfect for me because I can’t always leave the house.
Long story short I started taking these classes and I started to feel hope and I started to feel more positive and ever since then I have been getting the most amazing synchronicity and signs from spirit, and I believe that I am finally on the right path and that this has been an incubation period for me.
Before all of this happened, I had already been through a lot of trauma in my life and had healed from it and integrated it, and I ultimately became a healer… and then the greatest trauma of my life occurred, and I am still experiencing the symptoms and the triggers and the chronic derealization… and for a long time I was very depressed about this because I always had such a love of life and a thirst for living and a deep appreciation for the moment only to find myself bedridden and unable to leave my home.
But since I’ve been taking these art classes and tapping deeper into my creative well, I have been getting profound signs and I had a conversation today about how I am going to move forward with my healing process and my growth.. because I am sort of stuck in this liminal space of happily making art which is a huge step for me, but also still not able to live a functional life in society.
And then, somehow, I stumbled upon this tonight. Another insane synchronicity another sign that I am on the right path. I am exactly where I need to be and where I am supposed to be this all happened exactly as it was meant to I now believe.
All of my worst fears in life came true over the past five years so once I get out of this … I think my ability to help other people will be amplified and my and intuition will be strengthened.
I’m starting to think that maybe the reason this all happened was because I wasn’t living my soul’s purpose and it is calling me Home 🙏❤️
I will be thinking more deeply on this subject because I am sure there is a lot more to it than I am even aware of right now.
Thank you for creating this container. I have been very isolated for the past few years and I didn’t realize how lonely I was… I lost all motivation to do much of anything… and I realized just a few days ago how powerful it is to have someone hold you accountable and to have a community and something to look forward to….and my art classes just ended yesterday….so this is literally perfect timing. 🙏❤️
It is time for me to reclaim my soul. 💪