This essay brought me to tears. I've been feeling so lost lately, wanting "proof" that I'm on the right path, not just wasting my time with frivolous pursuits that are going nowhere. No matter how often I remind myself of the joy in the journey, my nervous system demands objective measurements of success.
Re-orienting myself to devotion, to the delight of allowing inspiration to flow through me, staying in the present and rooting myself in trust are the only antidotes I know to continue on the creative path. Thank you for these reminders and for sharing your story. 🦋
I love that line of questioning — if you had nothing to prove is such a powerful frame through which to view so many life decisions. It’s a question with which I say recently, and I saw just how many choices were driven by a subtle or not so subtle need to prove something not just to myself, but also to people on the outside, looking at my life & choices. (And people who don’t even matter to me, really). In so many ways, it’s a cultural thing too. I grew up hearing my mom say things like: “what will people say?” It’s taken me years to start to dismantle that way of being in the world … and it’s still very much a work in progress.
Wow, yes to all of that. That attunement to others can be such a beautiful thing—AND! what an equally beautiful thing it is to be able to spot the ways those perceptions + opinions have influenced your choices, and to start the work of untangling it all. Veryyyy much a work in progress over here, too.
To me, what you’re doing here on Substack is very much your own version of “thru-hiking.” Not in the sense that you have a roadmap and a plan and mapped out checkpoints, but in the other, equally critical characteristics of such an experience: the wildness, the unknown, the vast amount of time just for reflecting, the devotion to seeing what is just outside of your comfort zone, the redirecting, the disappointment, the satisfaction, the thrill, the pain. It’s all there and you’re doing it. Keep creating those rooms and see what knocks, my friend 🤍
Guhh, that is such a kind and meaningful observation. Thank you thank you. Unknown, thrilling, and out of my comfort zone indeed! But so fun and satisfying to be on this wild adventure separately-together. 💛
This essay brought me to tears. I've been feeling so lost lately, wanting "proof" that I'm on the right path, not just wasting my time with frivolous pursuits that are going nowhere. No matter how often I remind myself of the joy in the journey, my nervous system demands objective measurements of success.
Re-orienting myself to devotion, to the delight of allowing inspiration to flow through me, staying in the present and rooting myself in trust are the only antidotes I know to continue on the creative path. Thank you for these reminders and for sharing your story. 🦋
"my nervous system demands objective measurements of success." I don't know if I've ever related to a sentence more. 😂(😩)
This comment means a lot to me, Mariah. Thank you so much for sharing it.
I love that line of questioning — if you had nothing to prove is such a powerful frame through which to view so many life decisions. It’s a question with which I say recently, and I saw just how many choices were driven by a subtle or not so subtle need to prove something not just to myself, but also to people on the outside, looking at my life & choices. (And people who don’t even matter to me, really). In so many ways, it’s a cultural thing too. I grew up hearing my mom say things like: “what will people say?” It’s taken me years to start to dismantle that way of being in the world … and it’s still very much a work in progress.
Wow, yes to all of that. That attunement to others can be such a beautiful thing—AND! what an equally beautiful thing it is to be able to spot the ways those perceptions + opinions have influenced your choices, and to start the work of untangling it all. Veryyyy much a work in progress over here, too.
To me, what you’re doing here on Substack is very much your own version of “thru-hiking.” Not in the sense that you have a roadmap and a plan and mapped out checkpoints, but in the other, equally critical characteristics of such an experience: the wildness, the unknown, the vast amount of time just for reflecting, the devotion to seeing what is just outside of your comfort zone, the redirecting, the disappointment, the satisfaction, the thrill, the pain. It’s all there and you’re doing it. Keep creating those rooms and see what knocks, my friend 🤍
Guhh, that is such a kind and meaningful observation. Thank you thank you. Unknown, thrilling, and out of my comfort zone indeed! But so fun and satisfying to be on this wild adventure separately-together. 💛