Creative Compost π vol. 11
a monthly round-up of what's breaking down in my creative soil
The Webs We Weave is a place for meaning-makers, featuring essays that weave lived experience with fascinations and sharp-toothed questions as I tangle with what kind of woman I want to be.
Hellooo from the liminal space between essays! π
I've been thinking a lot lately about attention, and the difference between being looked at vs. being seen.
This month I'm deep into drafting an essay that explores themes like body visibility, when attention feels safe vs. when it feels like a threat, and the magic of all-female spaces. The piece is taking some interesting turns as I explore the past, and it has me reflecting on the tightrope walk between welcome attention and the type of gaze we'd rather dodge.
The pieces featured below have all been quietly composting in my mind as I write, each one adding texture to how I understand attention, visibility, and what it means to be truly seen. From an interview about noticing what catches our creative attention, to a deep dive into why one woman was torn to shreds by an unrelenting media frenzy in the 90s, they're helping me untangle the difference between exposure and expression, between being consumed and being witnessed.
At the end, you'll also find a few questions and ideas that are sprouting from these themesβseedling thoughts that may (or may not!) bloom into something larger down the road.
I hope you enjoy, and I'll be back in your inbox with a fresh essay in about a week!
πͺΆ Writing that Resonates
On developing a practice of noticing with Pam Houston
Pam Houston is known for her practice of noticing and capturing glimmersβas in, βthings that have attracted your attention for some reason or another, though [their] importance isnβt always immediately apparent.β
Ever since taking a workshop with her and learning about her practice of noticing and capturing glimmers, Iβve been trying to work on integrating this practice into my own lifeβboth to become better at noticing the world as it is, and to move from tediously describing into sharper observing.
This interview with Pam in The Creative Independent is a beautiful exploration of collecting glimmers, trusting metaphors, and giving in to writing badly:
βItβs not that the importance of the glimmer is not apparent to me right away. Itβs that the reason for the importance is not apparent to me right away. And thatβs kind of an important distinction, because I trust so much the process of noticing the glimmer, even if I donβt know what it means or why Iβm noticing it.β
Read the full piece here.
β’ β’
A group of fireflies is called a sparkle by Candace Kronen
Ok apparently I also featured one of βs pieces last month, but honestly, can you blame me for wanting to include this one?
Setting aside the synchronicity that I, too, am working on a longer piece inspired by bioluminescent creatures, I love the way Candace uses fireflies as a vehicle to explore the complexities of girlhood, darkness, and safe spaces.
βI havenβt seen most of those girls in the past decade. There have been moves, bad boyfriends, different jobs, just regular life interfering. Fireflies struggle with this, too. External light can influence their ability to communicate. They need dark, real dark, to find each other.β
β’ β’
Woman Behind a Paywall by Joy Sullivan
Iβve always been a little squeamish about too much attention. I remember being a little girl, maybe six or seven, when all my classmates would share their dreams becoming famous football players or actresses when they grew up, and thinking, that sounds like a lot of pressure.
Reading this essay from Joy, I felt myself nodding from start to finish. Itβs not that I experience anything close to the level of visibility Joy has online. But the way she describes the uneasiness and intensity of being a woman with a huge number of eyes on herβand the psychological toll of that kind of visibilityβstirred something in me, as a creative who writes and shares increasingly personal work on the internet.
βI canβt deny that going viral and growing a platform has had its true benefits. It helped me get a book deal and start my own writing community. The truth is I like social mediaβIβm good at itβbut Iβve slowly come to realize that too much visibility will be the death of my creative endurance.β
Read the full piece below.
β’ β’
The Crane Wife by CJ Hauser
When it comes to staying inspired as a writer, nothing stokes the coals quite like reading the best of the best. The Crane Wife by CJ Hauser is one of those essays that routine makes it onto lists of the best braided essays, and for good reason.
The essay is so masterful, itβs tempting to study the mechanics of it; how Hauser braids together scenes from an expedition to study whooping cranes on the gulf coast of Texas with reflections on relationship that left her starved for affection, to create something greater than the sum of its parts. But honestly, rather than try to dissect it like a science, I prefer to absorb and appreciate it as art.
Read the full essay here.
γ°οΈγ°οΈ
ποΈ More from the Compost Pile
Youβre Wrong About: Tonya Harding, Parts 1 and 2
Iβm not ashamed to tell you how often I revisit old episodes of my favorite podcasts, and Youβre Wrong About is no exception. The show explores misunderstood events and people from history and pop culture, and likes to zero in on people (often women) who have been unfairly maligned by the media and/or public perception. My catnip.
This is, admittedly, a rather old episode, but also one of their best. Co-host and journalist Sarah Marshall takes us on a deep dive into the events and media frenzy surrounding Tonya Harding in the 90βs. I think a big reason I keep coming back to this one is for both the meticulous research (well done, Sarah) and the way it uses the world of figure skating to raise incisive questions about what it means to βcorrectlyβ perform femininity.
Below youβll find Part 1, but I also recommend listening to Part 2. Together they explore the ways Tonya was punished not only for her alleged involvement in the Nancy Kerrigan attack, but also for her class background, her aesthetic choices, and the consequences of not conforming to feminine skating idealsβeven as one of the sportβs most elite competitors.
β’ β’
This American Life: Tell Me Iβm Fat
Let me say up front: this is a complicated episode (thatβs also nearly ten years old) and I have some complicated feelings about it. It sparked a massive conversation online at the time of is release, and as one commentator on reddit put it, βI didn't agree with everything everyone said, but I liked hearing what they had to say.β
You can definitely find more productive and nuanced discourse around the topic of fatness and anti-fat bias elsewhere. (Shout out to the Maintenance Phase podcast, this will not be the last time I mention them!) But I did really appreciate hearing a range of smart womenβLindy West, Elna Baker, Roxane Gayβspeak candidly and vulnerably about their experiences in fat bodies, including what itβs like to move though the world in a body that draws a very specific kind of attention in some situations and renders them invisible in others.
Listen to the episode here
γ°οΈγ°οΈ
π± Seedlings and Sprouts
The essay Iβm working on now has helped me bring together a few separate memories and ideas Iβve been thinking about for a long time, and one recent experience in particular that made it into the piece really has me thinking about how we create the conditions where it feels safe to be seen.
A few questions that Iβve been chewing on lately in that same vein, that Iβll almost certainly explore more deeply on the page at some point (even if just for myself!) include:
How do all-female spaces allow different parts of ourselves to emerge?
What makes the difference between feeling witnessed and feeling watched?
γ°οΈγ°οΈ
π€ An Internet Giggle, Just Because.
γ°οΈγ°οΈ
Your turn!
Whatβs composting in your creative mind these days?
If youβre game to share: what have you been reading, thinking about, or writing into lately? What memories or themes are on your mind? Iβd love to hear.
Until next time,
Michelle
Not to double dip, but The Crane Wife is a gem! Thank you for the link.
I love the question about all female spaces. My husband canβt understand why I attend womenβs AA meetings. What do you talk about that you wouldnβt say in a coed meeting? You have rightly noticed that itβs not about what we say. Itβs about not being subject to the male gaze. Thereβs a lot of hugging that goes on in AA meetings. As a man would approach, Iβd stick out my hand to shake and say βI donβt hug menβ. Thats not an issue in my womenβs meetings (although many women still checkββcan I give you a hug?β Men never do. )